Chronicles of a Ginger

My best friend is getting married today.

WHAT?!

So pumped.

And I will certainly rant and rave and go on and on and on about it later.

But for now, I have to go, you know…like…be in the wedding.

Happy ThisWillBeYour Anniversary, Alan & Ellie. :)

Like my favorite tv show.

First world problems.

We’ve slowly but surely been cleaning out our room.

Today, though, we made a whole lot of headway and I’m being faced with the realization that I will never again live in this room, which is the holder of so many innumberable memories.

Earlier, I was out of the room for about an hour or so and when I opened the door to come back, all of the boxes, empty shelves, and bare walls…

It literally took my breath away.

This is hard.

This is really, really hard.

I am very emotional right now.

Boo this.

And I don’t like any of them.

God, what do I do?

You gave me this heart.

You gave me this mind.

Now what’s going on with them…

That’s a different story.

I’m hurt and I’m scared and I’m realizing thing I’m not so sure I’m comfortable with realizing, because you know what? They complicate things. It’s different. It’s breaking the dysfunctional cycle I was used to. It’s a world of happiness that just might not be meant to be mine. But I feel like it should. I feel like I’m the best one for the job. I know the in’s and out’s; I’ve been there longer; I’ve seen more. But maybe I’m being selfish…

Either way, You know what is supposed to happen. And it’s not something I’m going to have to settle for. It will be good. And I’m going to try to simply trust that.

SOS.

I love.

I just love a lot.

Not necessarily in a romantic, lovey dovey way- even though I am quite romantic and lovey dovey.

I just…I feel like I don’t like things. Either I love things or I don’t like them.

It can be a good thing, or a bad thing.

For now, I’m choosing to feel the goodness of it all.

I love my friends and all the super awesome greatness that surroounds each and every one of them.

I love my family. Duh. They’re the most wonderful human beings on this planet.

I love my room, and although I’m only in here for another week or so, it became home. And it makes me happy.

I love Glee. Judge me. Go ahead. But it’s songs that I can sing horribly along with, silly dancing, and about love- which I feel a lot of.

I love being productive. But only sometimes. (see below)

I love being lazy. I love laying in a bed, on a couch, or on the floor and just staring and thinking about all of the things ever. Or reading a book. Or napping.

I love my haircuts.

I love the fact that, someday, I get to teach math, my most favorite thing in the world, to middle school students who don’t want to learn about it. I’ve always been one to take on a challenge. Hello, God’sSenseofHumor. Nice to see ya. 

I love that silly feeling I get when I see someone I love or do something that I love. Especially if I’m doing something I love with someone I love.

I love that I can sit here and write about it and that, of the 3 people that read this, 2.761 will NOT care.

I just….

I just love.

Spending tonight curled up with a book and a warm blanket.

Thoughtful of the blessings I have in my life. Family. Friends. Opportunities. Love. And the fact that today marks the death of my Savior who took the rules of death (like, you know…once you’re dead you’re always dead) and smashed them in the faces of all who doubted by rolling away the stone of his own tomb. Why? Because if he didn’t overcome death…he’d really just be a good guy that ran into the wrong people. But he’s not JUST a “good guy”…he’s God. And you know what? Now? Now sin has lost its power and death has lost its sting. He is victorious. And somehow, through this ridiculous love, so are we.

So, tonight I have a book, a blanket, and a Savior.

It’s a good night.